i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
