I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
