Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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