Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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