Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
