I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
