You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
