her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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