I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
