So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You ruined the universe
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
