i'm signing you up for texting rehab
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Less talking, more tequila
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
