Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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