Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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