Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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