my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
