I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The power of my boobs compel you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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