in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
