question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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