This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
