dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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