Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
