you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
