Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
