i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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