If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
