im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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