I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
