Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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