Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
