Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
