True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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