I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was confusing and full of hummus
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
