We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
