Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize