is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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