apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
