Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we're so committed to being not committed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
