we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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