I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
