Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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