Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
