I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
