I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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