i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
