Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
