Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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