Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize