If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
