The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize