Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
