HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
