fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
