The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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