Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
