you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
