My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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