i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
