He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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