Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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