OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
