would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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