I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
