what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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