you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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