I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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