this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
