my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
