we're making bets on your personal life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
