So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize