does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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