i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
