i permit you to call me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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