HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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