see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
