I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Michael Bay diarrhea
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
