just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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