I think I died a long time ago.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
