Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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