have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
