i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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