roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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