Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
