So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
