Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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