my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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