how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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