So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
