hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
