I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize