theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
