hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
