Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
