and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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