Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
