grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
