I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
