in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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