Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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