I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
