her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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