Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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