I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
