Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
