Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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