i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
